THIS IS WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN A MAN

By Brother Danny 

DURING my marriage and relationship counseling sessions (and my research) I have been asking my clients many questions like this; What do you women really want in a man. Eventually I came out with a lot of findings. It’s no joke that romance, integrity, communication and commitment are top priorities for today’s single females.

Just put a group of single women together – three or four will do – and the conversation is bound to get around to men. The topic more specifically will focus on what type of man is really Mr. Right.

Ask a dozen female this question – what kind of man are you looking for? – and you’ll get a dozen different answers, for every woman has specific, individual desires and needs. But certain criteria repeatedly surface, regardless of whether the woman compiling the wish list is a secretary, artist, businesswoman or college student.

From conversations with dozens of diverse women across the country, through phone and e-mail, it is quite clear that qualities that today’s woman values in a man are slightly different from what her mother’s generation sought in a mate.

Yes, today’s woman wants a man, but not just any man will do. While it’s important that he has a job, most women say they are not necessarily looking for someone to support them. Some of them have their own jobs and paychecks to contribute to the family. Consequently, they want men who will be supportive of their careers, their dreams and goals, their lives in general.

Today, more women are topping their lists of desirable male traits with noble values such as being smart, strong, spiritual, sensitive, successful and savvy. Women are looking for men who make them feel good about themselves, not merely a husband or someone who elevates them in the eyes of society. Now look at the traits which women really want in a man:

Integrity:

Today’s women are tired of being lied to, cheated on and taken for granted. They want a man of integrity, a man with character, a man who is honest and loyal.

Unfortunately, many women have encountered the slick playboy type who lies to women in order to get what he wants, whether it’s sex, material goods, shelter or whatever (Wanaume kama mabinti). Other females have been misled by seemingly nice, reputable men who simply can’t or won’t make a decision or devote their affection to one woman only.

Sure, men have to be honest; If they just want friendship, or if they want to be more serious, they have to let women know.

Emotional support:

Overwhelmingly, women report that the men in their lives are not supportive of their career efforts. Sure, men say they want independent-minded, working women to combat life hardships, but when their ladies gets promotion or starts making more dough than they do, signs of emotional insecurity creep in.

Ego and insecurity get in the way and mess up a good relationship. Most men still expect their careers to come first. Some men complain that when a woman is in higher rank or makes enough dough she becomes arrogant that she might not respect him, which in real sense is quite not true.

Men should learn how to deal with professional women. They must be able to recognize that although a woman is professional in her own arena, she still needs companionship. Women in the 21st century want unconditional love, love that is free from manipulation and possessiveness.

Romance and Intimacy:

Yes, it’s the 21st century, but women still want to be courted the old-fashioned way. They love being surprised with candy and flowers, and they want the man to make the first move. Women want to be romanced, and they want the intimacy, closeness, warmth and caring that go with it.

“I want to have a man who is romantic in every sense of the word and for whom chivalry is not dead,” say Mary Anthony, a nurse in Dar es Salaam . “I’m impressed by a man who opens doors and sends flowers and greeting cards to express his feelings. It shows he cares.”

Communication:

Talk is cheap, or so the saying goes. But for many women, establishing a good line of communication with the men in their lives is a priceless – and elusive – commodity. “If you can’t communicate with your man, you don’t have a relationship built on anything that will last,” says Nancy Mushi of Arusha. “Any man in my life would have to be honest with his feeling, and willing to share them – his fears, fantasies, desires and dreams. We should be able to talk these things.”

Stable Income:

While most women deny they are looking for men to take care of them, they emphasize that a steady job with decent income is important when considering a mate. This especially poses a problem for single professional women who face a shrinking pool of marriageable men with a comparable income.

Consequently, many single women today say they are looking for a man who is ambitious and has potential. More important than a high income is a man’s capability and willingness to earn that income.

Humor:

Women also want optimistic men who can see the lighter side of life. And some even feel that humor is just as important to a relationship as sex. They want fun-loving men who can make them laugh and who can laugh with them.

Commitment:

More important than these specific “wants”, women are really looking for men who are ready to make a commitment. Inevitably, time and experience change people. As women mature and grow more serious about their careers and life goals, they become more focused on long-term relationships. Today, even in their 20s are seeking more serious relationships. Consequently, women of all ages are attracted to men who are stable and who would make good husbands and fathers.

Finding a Mr. Right who has the desired combination of qualities is no easy task. But women must first love themselves and seek spiritual guidance. When you love yourself, then you are open to receiving love from another person. 

E-mail me through: brotherdanny5@gmail.com, or call +255 715 070 109